Catholics, Lutherans and other schismatics have the custom of celebrating Christmas on the night of December 24 to December 25 according to the Julian calendar (the Russian Orthodox Church celebrates Christmas on the same days, but according to the Gregorian calendar, where the desired dates fall on January 6-7 according to the “new style”). Most Western Christmas customs have their roots in ancient paganism, and the holiday itself has long acquired not only religious, but also secular significance with all its inherent attributes.
And while the real Santa is climbing chimneys, taming deer and stuffing children’s stuff into socks, an army of professionals of varying degrees of fatness, dressed in curly beards and pince-nez a la Dr. Mengele, are shouting a loud “ho-ho-ho” at boys and girls in public places. Adults, taking advantage of the shock and prostration of the child, run to kiss under the mistletoe. Well, how can you not love such a holiday? So the musicians, including the most famous and titled, also come from childhood, also love Christmas and regularly release themed recordings. Below we have collected several albums that will help you get into the spirit of the NATO winter fairy tale no worse than the movie “Gremlins”. Harness the artiodactyls!
“A Christmas Gift For You (from Phil Spector)” ‘1963
Actually, this record alone is enough to fan the flames of any nostalgic party. 1963 was the last year in which American pop rock felt comfortable, still exploiting the finds of the 1950s. The Beatles have already crossed the Atlantic, pulling with them a string of “stones”, “animals”, “zombies” and “someone else”. Soon the world will cease to be the same. In the meantime, producer, composer and future criminal Phil Spector and his protégés rule the ball in teenage minds and charts. Interestingly, this is not the first and not the last showbiz Jew to warm his hands at Christian events. In “The Bells Of St. Mary” Bob B. Soxx & The Blue Jeans turn the famous “wall of sound” into a triumphant blizzard. In “Marshmallow World,” Darlene Love compares snow to her favorite treat, and I want to remind her to avoid yellow marshmallows. The Ronettes, led by Phil’s future wife Ronnie Bennett, perform a magnificent version of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” a story from the perspective of a tattletale, the ending of which is unknown, but perhaps not so touching. The Crystals give out a dancing “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”, and the maestro himself completes the rock Hanukkah, softly whispering “Silent Night, Holy Night” accompanied by a choir of Spector’s nest chicks.
Johnny Cash “Christmas With Johnny Cash” ‘2003
In the year of Johnny Cash’s death, Legacy Recordings bustled out, releasing a collection of Christmas songs recorded by him between the 1960s and the 1980s. The genre range is quite predictable: anthems, country ballads typical of Cash, thoughtful melodic proclamations about tragic fates and futile expectation of a miracle. The most revealing are “Merry Christmas Mary”, the autobiographical “Christmas As I Knew It”, “Away In A Manger”. It is highly recommended to listen to all Ebenezer Scrooge before the ghosts appear.
Johnny Cash – Away In A Manger
Nat King Cole “The Christmas Song” ‘1999
The velvety voice and gentle piano of the greatest Kruner are appropriate for any sabantuy, except, perhaps, Halloween. Initially, his only full-length Christmas album was recorded and released in 1960 under the name “The Magic Of Christmas”, in 1963 it was first re-released under the name “The Christmas Song”, and in 1999 it was expanded with several songs from singles and a new version of the actual “The Christmas Song” with added vocals. Natalie’s daughter, as if talking to her father’s ghost.
Nat King Cole with Natalie Cole – The Christmas Song
In one version or another, the album has appeared on the charts every December since its release, and the Library of Congress has included it in its lists, recognizing it as a national treasure. It is impossible to single out any songs here, put the needle on any track and be sure that Santa Claus will enter from the front door, dressed in an elegant red tuxedo, followed by an esquire in green, carrying Cuban cigars for gentlemen and an assortment of liqueurs for ladies.
Nick Lowe “Quality Street” ‘2013
One day, Nick Lowe, the namesake of St. Nicholas, admitted that this record could be the final one in his career. He certainly wasn’t going to leave the stage, but he was deeply disappointed in the prospects. That’s why it was necessary to heat up the locomotive to the limit and let it go down to the bridge, mined by the Feds. “Children Go Where I Send Thee” is a traditional Christmas carol turned into rockabilly.
Nick Lowe – Children Go Where I Send Thee
In “Old Toy Trains,” Nick johnnycashes all over Ivanovskaya to return to rock’n’roll in “The North Pole Express,” casually giving out the pop masterpiece “Christmas At The Airport.” He puts the traditional “Silent Night” on a big rockabilly beat, seasoning it with Spector brass and a garage organ. Nick Lowe’s slight irony allows him to juggle styles while remaining rock’n’roll to the limit. Although “Just To Be With You” is just another sparkling bossa nova.
Bob Dylan “Christmas In The Heart” ‘2009
Of course, we couldn’t ignore Robert Zimmerman’s Christmas record, if only because it’s very funny. He is also the only one of Santa’s big-nosed reindeer to be awarded the Nobel Prize for a dog’s tail. The famous Jew invited the married duo The Ditty Bops to caroling, where the mandolin player is married to the guitarist. I don’t care, but Bob’s voice is getting more and more like sandpaper rubbing against his middle ear every year. The arrangements, on the contrary, are becoming more and more soulful, as this record proves. “Christmas Island” perfectly imitates Hawaiian folklore, as it is represented by lesbian imperialists. Bob would have been kicked out of the synagogue twice for singing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” “Do You Hear What I Hear” is full of anxiety and hope. Bob Dylan, with his current vocals, will become indispensable in professions where they wheeze “the key is nineteen!!!”, but the damned Nobel Prize allows him to no longer work.
Listen online to the Christmas collection or download(mp3, 136 Mb)
At Christmas, everyone will find a tune to their liking, no matter what calendar they use to celebrate the Birth of Jesus. Just listen to good music while watching the obsidian sky and the sugar flakes falling from it. And stop lighting the fireplace, Santa is in a bit of pain!
“No one in the world knows as many stories as Ole Lukoye. That’s a master storyteller!”